I'm lost and stupid without you.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
