can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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