I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
