So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
