am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
