1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
