theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
