it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Enjoy the penises
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
