Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
