Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
