If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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