tell your sister to shave her snatch
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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