i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
