i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Randomize
