I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
