my mouth tastes like poor choices
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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