I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
