I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
