Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
