i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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