walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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