A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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