he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
