Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
