I want to make a zoo with you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
