I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize