Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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