Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I pour the whiskey from now on
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