I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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