Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
