Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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