put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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