I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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