Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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