I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
