Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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