So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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