I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
