Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
