So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
