Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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