im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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