i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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