At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
