Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
