she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
