she woke up with a sticky ear
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
