You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
