fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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