I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
