If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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