Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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