worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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