All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize