guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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