the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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