so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
