I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
