I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
