He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
