We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
