weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
