don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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