so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
