we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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