1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
