Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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