Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
