i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
