did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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