did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
