how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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