By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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