it wasn't lemon gatorade
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
