I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
