Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize