If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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