My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
