I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
