I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Randomize
