She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
