the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
