the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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