Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
