You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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