somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she peed on how many people?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize