I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
