i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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