u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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