i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
