that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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