I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
