Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
