Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
