btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
