Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
