how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My Sexting was not on an AP level
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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