Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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