We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
