I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
