when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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