i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
