True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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