Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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