I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
