It's Friday. Sex?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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