I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
