Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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