How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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