Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
