im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
