That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize