I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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