what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
