just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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