i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
