well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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